I'm calling out to you
My lips are open, loaded with a message
A cry for help, a plea for direction
I scream in desperation
For you to hear....my loud silence
I look up to the night sky
My eyes heavy, praying for rain
For only when it comes can they freely
Commune with the stars, their secret safe
Shielded by the rain, blinded by the pain
Yet you can't see...my eyes wide shut
I lift my hands high up to Him
Fallen on my knees, humbled by my needs
All my resolve slowly fading fast
I hear my loud silence
I see my eyes wide shut
I hear my heartbeat ....it tells me it's time
I wait, holding my breath, I wait
Peace...it is coming soon...I wait
Monday, September 6, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Those simple times of yesterday...
In a world where truth is fast becoming extinct and everyone settles for less than the best, life can be complicated.
In her heart lies the secret gateway to that place where only she can come to. That place where she can be Amal, happy and free. Lying on the couch with eyes closed, she sets her mind adrift.
Yesterday...walking the golf course, trudging behind him, struggling to keep up the pace and happy just to be around him. He would tell her over and over about the silly game he played every weekend, about its corny rules and the fun in it. He would tell her how good the exercise was for him and how it was the best game in the world. She would throw up her arms in protest, having heard that a zillion times. Sometimes she would roll her eyes at the caddy and mimic him. She loved him like she did no other, for as long as she would live. Her father, the man who set the pace and won the race....always in her heart.
Eyes still closed, breathing easy with the hint of a smile, the memories keep coming. They had painted the dining area together one summer. With a gloss coat to hide little greasy finger prints she and her sisters had made on the wall. Just the two of them, painting all morning. He had used her exact height to determine where the new colour would stop. He said she could use that to measure how much taller she had grown since the day they did the paint job.He also painted 2 hearts on her cheeks! Those were the little things that made her love him so.
She remembered her first day at boarding school. He had held her hand once they stepped out of the car.They walked hand in hand, she in awe of her new place of abode and he in silence and deep thought. They stopped to admire the larger than life statue of mother Mary and the vast gardens surrounding it. She remembers crying...bawling even as he attempted to hand her over to the principal; and the reverend sister who peeled her away from him, but not before she caught a glimpse of his misty eyes.
He loved her too. If she died without anyone else loving her, it would have been their loss. For she had enough love from Daddy to last 2 lifetimes. And really, that's all that mattered.
In her heart lies the secret gateway to that place where only she can come to. That place where she can be Amal, happy and free. Lying on the couch with eyes closed, she sets her mind adrift.
Yesterday...walking the golf course, trudging behind him, struggling to keep up the pace and happy just to be around him. He would tell her over and over about the silly game he played every weekend, about its corny rules and the fun in it. He would tell her how good the exercise was for him and how it was the best game in the world. She would throw up her arms in protest, having heard that a zillion times. Sometimes she would roll her eyes at the caddy and mimic him. She loved him like she did no other, for as long as she would live. Her father, the man who set the pace and won the race....always in her heart.
Eyes still closed, breathing easy with the hint of a smile, the memories keep coming. They had painted the dining area together one summer. With a gloss coat to hide little greasy finger prints she and her sisters had made on the wall. Just the two of them, painting all morning. He had used her exact height to determine where the new colour would stop. He said she could use that to measure how much taller she had grown since the day they did the paint job.He also painted 2 hearts on her cheeks! Those were the little things that made her love him so.
She remembered her first day at boarding school. He had held her hand once they stepped out of the car.They walked hand in hand, she in awe of her new place of abode and he in silence and deep thought. They stopped to admire the larger than life statue of mother Mary and the vast gardens surrounding it. She remembers crying...bawling even as he attempted to hand her over to the principal; and the reverend sister who peeled her away from him, but not before she caught a glimpse of his misty eyes.
He loved her too. If she died without anyone else loving her, it would have been their loss. For she had enough love from Daddy to last 2 lifetimes. And really, that's all that mattered.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Moving on...
Why is change so scary? We take a decision to move on, yet hold on to the same things that we need to move away from....And love, what really is it? Amal strives day after day, after day to figure it out.
Being alone was not a welcome thought. She had long concluded that alone hurt real bad. Who would share her dreams, her hopes, her tears and her fears? Who would celebrate her feats? Yes, she had the girls but they had other lives outside their ring of friendship. Someone actually had the gall to suggest a support group.What in the world did a support group in Nigeria look like? AA with a different mission? Thanks, but no thanks!
Maybe she needed to stop looking for love and let love find her. YES! That's what she would do. Recalling her last date gave her the shivers. Brenda, her lifelong friend had set it up with a guy from her office. Reluctant at first, Amal succumbed after meeting Ibrahim 'accidentally' at Bren's office. He was cute and witty. A deadly combination where Amal was concerned. They had dinner at a quaint Italian restaurant and everything was great. Ibrahim was great company....making her laugh, teasing information out of her with ease and finesse, talking modestly about himself. It was a pleasant evening until just before dessert, he picked up a toothpick and began to pick strands of steak from his teeth and to Amal's complete horror, examine them carefully before putting them back in his mouth and eating them! It happened four times before she excused herself, went into the ladies room and stayed there till she got her act together. For reasons unknown, the singular act of recycling his dinner cost Ibrahim his ticket to date number 2.
Why is change so scary? We take a decision to move on, yet hold on to the same things that we need to move away from....And love, what really is it? Amal strives day after day, after day to figure it out.
Being alone was not a welcome thought. She had long concluded that alone hurt real bad. Who would share her dreams, her hopes, her tears and her fears? Who would celebrate her feats? Yes, she had the girls but they had other lives outside their ring of friendship. Someone actually had the gall to suggest a support group.What in the world did a support group in Nigeria look like? AA with a different mission? Thanks, but no thanks!
Maybe she needed to stop looking for love and let love find her. YES! That's what she would do. Recalling her last date gave her the shivers. Brenda, her lifelong friend had set it up with a guy from her office. Reluctant at first, Amal succumbed after meeting Ibrahim 'accidentally' at Bren's office. He was cute and witty. A deadly combination where Amal was concerned. They had dinner at a quaint Italian restaurant and everything was great. Ibrahim was great company....making her laugh, teasing information out of her with ease and finesse, talking modestly about himself. It was a pleasant evening until just before dessert, he picked up a toothpick and began to pick strands of steak from his teeth and to Amal's complete horror, examine them carefully before putting them back in his mouth and eating them! It happened four times before she excused herself, went into the ladies room and stayed there till she got her act together. For reasons unknown, the singular act of recycling his dinner cost Ibrahim his ticket to date number 2.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Night Out
It had been a while since she'd been out with her girls. Amal called them up and arranged a night out...just the three of them...just like old times. Her girls, hmmmn. They had seen each other through childhood. They had lived through acne and boyfriends and late blooming. They had been each others pillars through heartbreak, bereavement and failure.They had shared tears and laughter and fear. She loved them deeply even though they had somehow grown apart over the years. The consolation was always that they were there when she needed them as she was for them.
They were going singing. Something they thoroughly enjoyed and have never been able to outgrow. Rumaging through her wardrobe for something to wear, Amal thought about how lonely she'd been feeling recently and wondered if she was ever going to find true love again. She settled on faded blue jeans and a black sequined kaftan top and a matching pashmina.
It had been ages since she treated herself to a long hot bath. Deciding there was still time, she filled the tub with hot water, bath salts and jasmine oil and slipped in. She allowed her body to adjust to the heat before lying back and closing her eyes. The combination of heat and lovely rising fragrances made her feel a bit giddy. For some reason, the yearnings she had long learned to stiffle stirred as she began to imagine not being alone in the tub any more. She imagined him, faceless and strong, his hands rubbing her back ever so lightly as she relaxed and let herself sway to the rythm of his soft subtle massage. He stroked her back, shoulders and the nape of her neck till he was sure every strained muscle had surrendered. Pulling her back close to him, he caressed the length of her arms and began to sponge her all over, keeping his movements deliberately slow and sensuous. Amal could feel her heart begin to race and............the water getting cold! She snapped out of her daydream and hated herself for allowing such thoughts to evade her. Pulling the plug, she decided what she needed was a cold shower and proceded to have one.
They were going singing. Something they thoroughly enjoyed and have never been able to outgrow. Rumaging through her wardrobe for something to wear, Amal thought about how lonely she'd been feeling recently and wondered if she was ever going to find true love again. She settled on faded blue jeans and a black sequined kaftan top and a matching pashmina.
It had been ages since she treated herself to a long hot bath. Deciding there was still time, she filled the tub with hot water, bath salts and jasmine oil and slipped in. She allowed her body to adjust to the heat before lying back and closing her eyes. The combination of heat and lovely rising fragrances made her feel a bit giddy. For some reason, the yearnings she had long learned to stiffle stirred as she began to imagine not being alone in the tub any more. She imagined him, faceless and strong, his hands rubbing her back ever so lightly as she relaxed and let herself sway to the rythm of his soft subtle massage. He stroked her back, shoulders and the nape of her neck till he was sure every strained muscle had surrendered. Pulling her back close to him, he caressed the length of her arms and began to sponge her all over, keeping his movements deliberately slow and sensuous. Amal could feel her heart begin to race and............the water getting cold! She snapped out of her daydream and hated herself for allowing such thoughts to evade her. Pulling the plug, she decided what she needed was a cold shower and proceded to have one.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Back to Amal...
The holiday did great things for Amal and the kids. They had fun and the nanny was wonderful, keeping the kids occupied so that Amal could wander on the beach and take long walks alone, she even went to a movie that made her cry. For reasons unknown, she felt much less vulnerable by the time they got back.
She drowned herself in work and put so much into it that whispers of a raise were making rounds in the office. About time too! She'd been steadfast and dedicated despite recent personal trauma. She had done well to keep things out of the office and maintained a very friendly but professional relationship with the team. Only Ike, her boss knew about the diviorce and even that was because they had come a long way and Amal felt over time Ike-the-spike (as he was known around the office) had earned her trust.Her mind strayed back to the day she broke the news.
It was her first day at work, resuming from her annual leave and Ike had asked for a lift back home. His driver had gone to the mainland to drop off the kids and was running late. Driving and chatting leisurely, she asked if they could stop over at Daisy's to discuss something. Looking back with amusement, she remembered the puzzled look on his face as he agreed. Once inside, she went ahead to order his favourite dessert and a soda and lime for herself. Being an avid sweet-tooth, Ike dug in and asked jokingly, 'what is this Amie, a bribe? What's the catch?' She smiled and told him she had something she wanted to tell him and wanted to do it early before he heard elsewhere. She had his attention now. He remained silent until she had finished and then asked her if there was any way he could be of help. He surprised her by telling her that a mutual friend of theirs had called and told him the day it happened, while she was still on leave. Ike explained that he knew she would tell him at her own time and commeneded the way she had conducted herself during the trying months before the divorce. She knew he meant every word and was glad to have him as a boss and a friend.
Her promotion, when it finally came was celebrated in the office with the customary chinese takeout, loud merriment and silly speeches. Ike's speech brought tears to her eyes and her colleagues made it worse by making jest of her.
Back home, she treated the kids to a movie and pizza at Silverbird and later that night, she spent ages on the phone with her siblings, chatting and reminiscing. She called her mother and asked for her prayers and went to sleep feeling lonely but happy.
She drowned herself in work and put so much into it that whispers of a raise were making rounds in the office. About time too! She'd been steadfast and dedicated despite recent personal trauma. She had done well to keep things out of the office and maintained a very friendly but professional relationship with the team. Only Ike, her boss knew about the diviorce and even that was because they had come a long way and Amal felt over time Ike-the-spike (as he was known around the office) had earned her trust.Her mind strayed back to the day she broke the news.
It was her first day at work, resuming from her annual leave and Ike had asked for a lift back home. His driver had gone to the mainland to drop off the kids and was running late. Driving and chatting leisurely, she asked if they could stop over at Daisy's to discuss something. Looking back with amusement, she remembered the puzzled look on his face as he agreed. Once inside, she went ahead to order his favourite dessert and a soda and lime for herself. Being an avid sweet-tooth, Ike dug in and asked jokingly, 'what is this Amie, a bribe? What's the catch?' She smiled and told him she had something she wanted to tell him and wanted to do it early before he heard elsewhere. She had his attention now. He remained silent until she had finished and then asked her if there was any way he could be of help. He surprised her by telling her that a mutual friend of theirs had called and told him the day it happened, while she was still on leave. Ike explained that he knew she would tell him at her own time and commeneded the way she had conducted herself during the trying months before the divorce. She knew he meant every word and was glad to have him as a boss and a friend.
Her promotion, when it finally came was celebrated in the office with the customary chinese takeout, loud merriment and silly speeches. Ike's speech brought tears to her eyes and her colleagues made it worse by making jest of her.
Back home, she treated the kids to a movie and pizza at Silverbird and later that night, she spent ages on the phone with her siblings, chatting and reminiscing. She called her mother and asked for her prayers and went to sleep feeling lonely but happy.
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